The Touch of Farewell: When the dead leave a handprint

What happens on the 39th day after death in Romani culture

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Romani culture is very rich and ancient, an intricate web connecting countless tribes all over the world. While the fundamental value system is pretty much the same for all Roma, specific customs and traditions can vary from tribe to tribe. In this article, we are describing a custom of our tribe, which is followed on the 39th day after the death of a family member. Some tribes have the same custom while other tribes have different traditions for the 39th day.

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In Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Romani, as well as many pagan traditions, it is believed that after death, the soul wanders the Earth for 40 days. On the 40th day, it makes its final departure for the afterworld, so many rituals and customs take place on this day, to facilitate the last goodbye.

In Romani culture, these customs take place on the 39th day: the last day when our loved one is still among us.

The last supper

In the early afternoon of the 39th day after the death of a family member, the tribe starts gathering for what they believe is the last time their loved one will be at the table with them. Specific meals are prepared for this last supper and for the following day when a priest comes to the home of the deceased to help their soul pass over. But before this final transition, the departing soul has not only a final few hours together with the tribe but also a window for a final farewell.

In the evening, a candle is lit for the last of the traditional vigils.

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Until the candle burns down: How the Romani and their dead say goodbye

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This time, however, a tray with raw white rice is placed next to the candle.

The candle, like in all of these vigils, can burn quickly or through the entire night, depending on how long the dead person wants people to stay.

The tray with rice stays next to the candle and before midnight it’s moved to the highest possible place in the home, so no human or pet can reach it.

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Between midnight and 3:00 AM

After midnight, the soul of the dead person makes its presence known. This window closes at 3:00 AM when “the night breaks,” according to Romani customs.