The Romani know they are beautiful
And they don't care much about it.
When we got together, Martina received many summons from friends and acquaintances who all of a sudden wanted to catch up. The “catching up” was mostly long interviews about Pepi, his background, “what do we even talk about,” and how it had transpired that Martina had joined her life with a Romani.
“You scandalized society,” one friend said.
One such catch-up happened on a bench in the park, a few days after Martina had published pictures on Facebook from Vela’s wedding. Vela married her partner of many years and they threw a traditional Roma wedding, with an orchestra and dances under the open sky.
“Who was she? A daughter of Pepi?” The friend asked after her barrage of questions about Pepi himself and our life together eventually dried up.
“The bride? No, a niece,” Martina answered.
“Oh,” the friend nodded and then sighed, as if admitting something despite herself, “But, they are so beautiful!”
The stereotype about the Romani’s physical appearance is, psychologically, very interesting and telling about mainstream society. On the surface, white people proclaim that the Romani are not beautiful: not only because of their dark skin but also because many Romani live in poverty and often dress in rags. But then, you’ll often hear this sigh, the admission that comes despite the stereotypes: They are beautiful.
“We try so much to be like them,” a close friend was saying once when she was talking about the hypocrisy of anti-Roma racism among fellow white people. “We tan our skin, we imitate their music, we imitate their style, but then we pretend we’re superior.”
For anyone paying attention, this is no news. To name one example, the entire “Bohemian” aesthetic, from clothes and jewelry to interior design, originates from the Romani.
Beauty is subjective and has much to do with personal preference. But also, we collectively hold ideals and standards of beauty. So do the Romani fit in those standards or not? Well, like any question concerning the Romani, “fitting into” superficial structures propelled by mainstream culture is beside the point.
The Romani know how to dress with glitz and glamour. They also don’t care about showing up in their work clothes or rags to weddings.
When there is a big event, women can show up in glittery gowns, elaborate hairstyles, and professionally done make-up, or in jeans, shirts, and hair braided by their cousin. It doesn’t matter to them or anyone around them. Either way, they are beautiful.
The secret to the heart-piercing cinematic beauty of the Romani, which even ardent racists can’t help but acknowledge, doesn’t come from worrying about beauty standards.
Their secret is deeper - and simpler.
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