Roma breastfeeding culture is proof the rest of us live in a dystopia

Let's talk about the right to nourish.

Breastfeeding in Roma culture is unapologetic. But isn’t it darkly fascinating that breastfeeding can even be described as “unapologetic?” Any Roma person would squint their eyes at this phrase and ask “What are you apologizing for?”

The topic of this article can only exist because of the massive contrast with mainstream culture. For the Romani, this is not an item. They give it no thought. If you bring it up in conversation, they will move on from it quickly. Because, to them, this is a fundamental value, a truth that drives their entire culture. How long can you talk about the sky being blue?

In mainstream culture, we talk ad nauseam about this. And we believe we are slowly progressing, even though the resistance is strong. In comparison to the Romani, however, we are centuries behind.

Everything that is bad about breastfeeding

A few years ago, Martina was an unwilling witness to an exhausting tirade by a man who felt personally offended by the fact that he had witnessed a woman breastfeeding at the mall.

“I don’t want to be looking at this,” was his main argument. He was scandalized that the general vibe in our society then was to encourage women to breastfeed in public.

The women who breastfeed in public, at least here in Bulgaria, always cover-up. It’s never the exhibitionist show critics would have you believe it is.

The shame flows through our veins, and into the milk that feeds our children.

“Let the women sit in the other room and breastfeed,” reads a random Facebook comment by a random guy, intending to discredit any input or thought by a woman and put her where she belongs, the only place she is good for: in the inferior position of feeding her child. Out of sight.

“After I give birth,” said a then-pregnant acquaintance of Martina a few years ago, “I’m going straight back to work. I’m absolutely not going to be breastfeeding. No way am I doing this to my body.”

Doing what to her body? What she meant was, “I want my breasts to look a certain way and breastfeeding would hinder that.”

It’s a nuisance. A shameful nuisance that you have to hide. And if your baby gets hungry while you’re out in public, you still have to hide or brave the disdainful looks of passers-by whose day has just been ruined by witnessing you feeding your child.

A little dystopian, don’t you think?

So much is underneath these big and negative feelings about breastfeeding. Sapped instincts. Hatred of women and the mother. Hatred of the self. Hatred of the human body. And of course, the obvious: confused, contorted, and mercilessly repressed sexuality.

The pained, scandalized, and judgemental reaction of Carrie Bradshaw when she witnesses her best friend Miranda breastfeeding. Image from the cutting-edge, ground-breaking, trend-setting show about female autonomy, sexuality, and friendship “Sex and the City”

This is so ingrained in our bones, that it can be impossible to imagine a world without it.

But we don’t need to imagine.