Connection over perfection: The raw reality of Romani Social Media

Remaining authentic in a world of filters

A choreographed and edited birthday party picture versus a picture posted by Pepi’s niece Dancha on her 20th birthday, where you can see the hanging laundry, the broken window with a blue plastic bag serving as a wind barrier, the peeled-off wallpaper, and some shoes lying on the ground by the door

“Typical,” Pepi said when he recently saw a Facebook post by a non-Romani friend.

“What’s typical?” Martina asked.

“Look,” he said and scrolled up, back to posts by Romani friends and relatives. “This is the reality. There are plates of food. Here, you see laundry in the background. Here, someone’s taking a nap on the couch in the corner.”

He scrolled back to the post by the non-Romani friend. It was beautiful, color-coordinated, almost polished. “This,” Pepi said, “is just not real.”

“When you see it, don’t you think it’s beautiful? What do you think when you see it?” Martina asked.

“I think it’s fake. And that he’s hiding something.”

The Romani, on the other hand, don’t hide. They don’t polish their reality. They use Social Media not as a soapbox or their personal runway. Instead, they use it as a gate.

In mainstream society, there are norms about using Social Media. If you post too many pictures of your happy family, this is seen as tasteless and braggy. But also, you should be at your very best on Social Media, whatever this “very best” means for you or your social circle. Social Media is a platform for your persona. So you only post things that align with the persona you imagine.

The Romani, on the other hand, simply post on Social Media the reality of their life. And this doesn’t extend only to what happens to be in the background of a spontaneous picture. If they’re happy today, they’ll post something happy. If they’re sad or angry, they’ll post that. If they’re in love, they’ll post pictures with their partner. If they break up, they’ll post this too.

In mainstream culture, this can be seen as “oversharing.” Because in mainstream culture, the audience is cold. It uses Social Media to judge, stalk, and mock.

When the Romani share something on Social Media, they don’t share it with a cold audience. And they show how Social Media is merely a tool. All the criticism that we, as a society, have towards Social Media is truly criticism about how we choose to use it and what it shows us about ourselves.

Like for example, we prefer simulated beauty to imperfect reality. We like to fool ourselves. And what we love, above all else, is to judge each other.

But this is not how the Romani do it.